Friday, September 21, 2007

The Perfect American Family

Oh, you know how it is. We all want people to think our families are like this:

When in reality, we are all like this:

I've had two Mondays in a row this week. Here is how my second Monday this week went:

Up since 2am because of that 3rd trimester-no-room-in-the-bladder-so-I-have-to-pee-every-15-minutes syndrome, showering at 5am to get in two hours of work before the hoodlums are excommunicated from their sheets. Pack the lunches, feed four kids, change one poopy diaper, get three in respectable school uniforms and out the door to get to school a comfortable five minutes early, all in thirty minutes, even after dealing with crabby husband's phone call from deepest, darkest Sumatra.

Why is it that when I have a bad day, he has an even worse one? Aren't we supposed to balance each other out like yin and yang? Last time he left me : ) in Idaho to go to California my bad day consisted of the usual kids-will-make-me-loose-my-mind. He on the other hand had a worker knock out a gas pipe and had to evacuate a mile radius of the City of Riverside. This time he had two sets of lawyers to deal with in one day, one discussing his civil/criminal case he's been named in and the other the firing of a contractor who threatened to light one of his engineers on fire. Oh and then also entertain auditors. Show off.

Okay, back to me and my horrible, very bad day. Woops, they are paving the road outside the subdivision, so that means a pilot car and one lane of traffic. My 15 minute commute turns into 45 minutes and we are late for school. Get out of car at parking lot and realize Kindergartner has left both his backpack and lunch at home. Promise to navigate pilot car and warm asphalt a second time to deliver both before lunch. First, however, have to navigate Walmart to shop for hot lunch food items I have agreed to cook for tomorrow's Kindergarten lunch before taking B to the toddler gym class. Get home just in time to stick melting ice cream (I AM pregnant after all, had to get my fix!) to freezer after hanging out in car for 20 minutes waiting for *$&(%*& pilot car, grab a yogurt to feed to baby in car (don't recommend it), kid lunch and backpack. Peel back to school parking lot just to be told that I need to turn in my picture forms for the school pictures RIGHT NOW. Forgot about the school pictures. Fill out three forms in record time, do a little dance that they accept credit cards since I just realized I had run out of checks, spend way too much money and make it to toddler class late. Get B home for a nap, do another couple hours of work, feel the onset of a migraine. Navigate traffic one more time to get kids, do homework, force them in baths with actual soap involved. Then, decide no, I'll not only make lunch for 17 five year olds tomorrow, I will also, at the same time, make a mock Thanksgiving dinner to eat tonight. You've heard of binge eaters? I'm a binge cooker. Anyway, dinner was great, and kids finally went to bed just in time for headache to blossom into full on migraine just in time for another night of too uncomfortable to sleep.

Today, taking in 5th grader for suspected broken elbow from football practice last night. Will my fun never end?!?! But, migraine is gone!!


Teri said...

Good gracious. Somehow I doubt this was your purpose but I feel better reading your post. Forgive me!

Karen said...

That is exactly the point! I at lest am Miss Insecurity and always figure everyone else has perfect nails, great kids, ate fruit for breakfast and feels at peace with life. Ha.